Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
