Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
