I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Randomize
