Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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