new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
