Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
