Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
