Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
