Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
