i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
