you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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