Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
