playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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