i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
