did you get engaged???
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
