My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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