don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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