I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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