why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
