SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
