he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
