so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
