We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
