Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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