Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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