we're blogging at a bar
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
