i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize