Do you still have your period?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
