you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
