He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
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The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
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We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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