The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
