So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
did you just send me my own nude
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
