i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
