there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize
