was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
