I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
