I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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