apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
