ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
