ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you traded sex for a burrito?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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