And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
