I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
