the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
