WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
