I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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