I heard we made out
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
