At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
