Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
