Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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