first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
