it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
