Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
