but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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