The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just had sex on a roof
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
