I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
