I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
