This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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