The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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