After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
