Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
