your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
