Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
