I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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