just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
