the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
