Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
