Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
