clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize