So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
