mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
