yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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