A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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