Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There r osticjed everywhere
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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