She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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