So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
